My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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