Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
