There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
