Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
