Just fell off a train. Bad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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