he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
