I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How does it feel to date your dad?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
