Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
