Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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