I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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