I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
