I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize