if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
