Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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