Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
