I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
