And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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