Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
