He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize