my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
