Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You may now shotgun with the bride
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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