I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
