they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
