bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
