I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
