I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
