We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
