I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize