Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
