i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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