I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
