Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
