I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
