I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
