I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
