Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
