dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Screwed.edu
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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