being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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