I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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