Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize