Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
