just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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