Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
