The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
