my vag is so smooth its legendary
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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