At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
