Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
