You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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