hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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