you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
