Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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