i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
