first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
