My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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