pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
