with your own penis?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
