I just pynch a tree in the face
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
