why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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