'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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