OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize