summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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