i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
