seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize