Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
