Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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