Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
worst night to have a conscience
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
