We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
