Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize