Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
