Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
