What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
